The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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