So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we're so committed to being not committed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
