And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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