Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
