After last night, I could never be a politician.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want to make out with him forever
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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