Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
