In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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