OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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