im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
