I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
