the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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