She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's never too late to be topless.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
