Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
