god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
