yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
