So drunk its hurt
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
