Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
