I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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