I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's blow job season.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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