Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
