Jerry, you need to find god
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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