And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
