Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
