if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize