how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize