I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
