i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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