Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
