my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
