it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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