she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
