i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
