If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
