So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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