i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
