Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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