I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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