$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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