I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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