You can't special order awesome
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
