i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
