I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
