my room smells like sperm. sweet.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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