Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
