Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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