My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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