the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
sarcasm needs its own font
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
