Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
