I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
