I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
