Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
