It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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