Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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