Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
