just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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