I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
