if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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