I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
