Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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