I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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