If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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