This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
