Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
