i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
