The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
