I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
