He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
