I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
