I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
