Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
