return my video game
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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