My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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