oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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