i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
