drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
