you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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