how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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